Lessons in Life

(Ripped from Aarons Jokes)

As Seen On Bumpers

* “Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.”

* “Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.”

* “All generalizations are false.”

* “As long as there are tests there will be prayer in public schools.”

* “The gene pool could use a little chlorine.”

* “I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!”

* “Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him/her sleep.”

* “Montana — At least our cows are sane!”

* “Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.”

* “Your kid may be an honor student but you’re still an IDIOT!”

* “Friends don’t let friends drive naked.”

* “I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!”

* “It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.”

* “According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist.”

* “A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.”

* “Forget about world peace. . . Visualize using your turn signal!”

* “Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.”

* “Give me ambiguity or give me something else.”

* “Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.”

* “He who laughs last thinks slowest.”

* “Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.”

* “Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.”

* “Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.”

* “Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.”

* “Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.”

* “Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.”

* “We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.”

* “Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.”

* “Three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.”

* “Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?”

* “Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?”

* “I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. ”

* “Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas – Taking the dog. –Dorothy.”

* “Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.”

* “I’m out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?”

Office Space

(Spoilers, Beware)

This is the quintessential movie about tech. professionals 25 something. Software jobs can hopefully never get as dull as the job portrayed in this movie. Of course its the year 1999, smart, sharp software engineers have been deployed by evil INITECH (from the movie, any coincidence is unintended) to fix the Y2K bug in bank software from all around the world. The usual artifacts of corporate life exist and plague the protagonist. They include TPS Reports and the silly next door office receptionist with that extremely annoying high-pitched greeting :).

His life grows exceedingly dull, in his own words “each day is worst than the last, so today has to be the worst day of his life”. Of course, things go mystically wrong as he is hypnotised into living his dreams. The deal is, the hypnotist dies in the process of a freak heart attack and Peter, our fella, is left in that state. From the next day, life changes, he just does not bother to turn up at work (anyone been there before?).

His boss Bill Lumburgh, happens to be the worst possible Super in the world. They don’t get any worse than him… he drives upto work in a Porsche. There is very little significance to Bills character. I know a lot of people hate techies for the get-rich gold rush upto 1999. I guess his stock paid off, he got promoted and now he just makes life miserable for Peter. He never hesitates to ask Peter in on weekends !repeatedly! Peter being too Pussy to reply 🙂 must come in anyway. That brings us to Peters reawakening (hehe I guess you could call him the contemporary ‘Neo’).

Peter turns the tables. Then Bill brings in the heavy artillery, efficiency consultants to evaluate the value of the employees. This is where the movie simply begins to spin an incredibly hilarious yarn and turn events on their head. Everything is a sweet surprise.

This is the second time I’ve seen the movie, I saw it first ages ago and this time too it had a really easy desired affect. Coming back to Industry, finding motivation all depends on where you look for it. I don’t think any other story has ever made me laugh over such a simple thing as an office stapler.

Swingline Staplers
What the hell is a TPS Report?
“It’s not that I am lazy, I just don’t care 🙂 It’s a problem of motivation”

Eric Cartman

Eric Cartman:

“First Rule of Fight Club, you pay me $10 million dollars”

“Hippies, hippies… they want to save the world but all they do is smoke pot and play frisbee!”

“I am not Fat, I’m just big-boned!!”

“Oh, oh, Jesus. I was here laughing so hard, that the milk comes out of your nose. Oh, oh, man”


“Wait a minute… maybe that was a sign from God.. That’s it isn’t it?! You want
me to start a boy band so I can make ten million dollars, don’t you?! THAT’s IT!!”

“Cartman: Kyle, all those times I said you were a dumb, stupid Jew, well, I was
wrong, you’re not a Jew. Kyle: Cartman, I *am* Jewish! Cartman: There, there,
don’t be hard on yourself, Kyle.”